when it rains
apparently i never blog. wow —-it must’ve been raining so long it flooded and the computer got swept away….
ok so that didn’t happen. i’m just a slacker… (somehow i always find myself saying that…)
so here’s what’s been happening since november 08.
i stayed at my job. i like it now. ish. i mean it’s not the one i dream about at night. but it pays. and i like the people.
i’ve started painting again. a year and a month later…..they say after 6 months you never go back. i’m not out of the woods yet.
i’ve started making things. i think my sewing machine’s little constant whine is it’s way of telling me i’m running it too hard….
i dream of making my own clothes. i dream of cooking delicious things. of having an immaculately clean and impeccable decorated house. i dream of sleeping in for as long as i want for a week straight. i dream of working out for 90 days straight - so i get through this blasted workout thing and feel like i did when i was a gymnast. i dream of living carefree. or just having enough time to breathe. to paint. to create.
just tapping around on a computer all day isn’t doing it for me.
truly create. doing things the long way - by hand.
i miss that. i miss a lot.
i’ve got 2 minutes till i can leave work. on time. that’s noteworthy. seeing how i haven’t left work on time since i can remember….
house hunting today.
more dreams.
i’ll tell you how it goes…..
i hate it when this happens.
brilliant
separation of suffering
just found out today that a friend is going through some trouble.
kicked my butt actually.
while talking to her i began to realize how much i actually take for granted that all the times i don’t deserve to be loved, i am shown a love deeper than i can understand.
it makes my current situation seems much smaller.
why is it those little things we take for granted that carry so much weight.
love. respect. consideration. compassion. patience.
they always come in tiny increments of thought and only seconds to execute. yet they trip us, or we choose to ignore them. and over time, they will overthrow all you thought you had.
how can i never take those things for granted again? can i mend these ties i’ve been sawing at with a butter knife?
how soon will attitudes change? how well will it stick? i’m afraid i’ll forget?
where did my compassionate heart go?
i now realize my suffering is my own creation which must be separated.
dear jesus, help me to appreciate the little things in life a little more.
relient k
proves to be softening me as the day crawls to an end.
“cause i struggle with forward motion, cause forward motion is harder than it sounds. well, every time i get some ground i gotta turn myself around again.” -relientk
i'm
a lonely little petunia in an onion patch
i just want peace
from all the madness around me.
i want to hear God.
I want to be happy.
that's it.
i give up.
no one will understand.
from this point forward, if you act like there’s something wrong with me…i’m walking away.
bitterness.
jealousy. inpatientcy.
i’ve gotta get over this and wait,
but it’s killing me.
